Talk:Watch Out Now/@comment-26466087-20150604174512
trigger warning for transphobic and homophobic slurs/language and cissexist ideals- I hate it when people tell me shit about my gender. When I identify as a boy (like right now), I hear "You're not a real dude unless you have balls between your legs, so shut the fuck up, dyke." It makes me so mad. And I especially hate it when people tell me my identity as a boy isn't valid unless I'm 100% hyper-masculine alpha-male type. Like "You shouldn't wear makeup and girl clothes as a boy if you want people to respect you. It just makes them think you're lying." FUCK THAT. Seriously, fuck it. If I want to wear a fucking dress and some lip gloss, that does NOT change the fact that I'm a boy right now. I know that I can't be mad if I don't pass because of society's cissexist ideals, but if I say I'm a boy and that I want to be Demi/Dimitri and "he/him/his" while wearing a dress, then you fucking respect me, despite the fabric on my body. And it really infuriates me that these are the same people that say "Cis boys should be able to wear skirts, dresses, and makeup because it's perfectly okay and those items don't have gender." Yes, I completely, wholeheartedly agree with that statement 100%. It SHOULD be that way. But the hypocritical double standard that says it's okay for cisgender boys but not trans boys makes me SO mad. It's like saying "you're not really a real boy unless you're at least trying to pass for me." That's actually fucked up. I actually have a really hard time passing because I never leave the house without makeup and I barely own any boy's clothes. I try to wear just foundation/concealer, heavy eyebrow makeup (it makes them look thicker and more masculine), and some black and/or skin-color eyeliner with some black skinny jeans, some flannel, an oversized band-tee, and Converse, hoping I can pass as a scene/emo guy. And I don't have a binder, so I have to use uncomfortable sports bras, which is annoying as fuck because I have a relatively big chest for a 15 year old. I'm trying to save up money so my best friend can buy me a binder on Amazon. And I've tried packing which makes me really insecure because I have to use a damn sock. Tbh, I think my gender dysphoria gets worse when I try to pass because it reminds me that I'm physically female. I'm also afraid to leave my own house without being called "transvestite" or "tranny." I don't even pass as a boy, just a really masculine lesbian. And when I wear my cute outfits, I obviously just pass as an eccentric girl. And when I feel agender, I never feel androgynous enough. Tbh, I feel just about as welcome in the non-binary and gender-fluid community as much as I feel welcome in the asexual community (I'm on the spectrum but I'm not full ace; I will make another post on this later). Which is not at all. I hate this tbh. I wish I could just be a heterosexual cis girl (or a cis boy because as sick as it sounds, I'd have more privilege that way). It'd make my life a hell of a lot easier.